Thursday, July 19, 2012


The fascination with the Beriont calves has officially gone global. Since I've begun this trip I've been stopped five times, mind you I've only been to three places. Each time, I'm asked the exact same thing, in a very curious and surprisingly uncreepy way: "Where did you get those calves???"

Well all you attentive readers, listen up...the government gave them to me. Clearly I was given such large calves by the government in case we ever faced an enemy with well-endowed calves. Though the details of what my calves would be used for is unknown, I've narrowed it down. They will be used either as a super sexy distraction, so that I can blend in as one of them and spy for the USA, or they're a weapon of mass destruction. Simple as that, isn't that where everyone else got them from?

I find it a strange way to word the question, since I'm 99% sure I got the calves from my parents. I was told that is how it worked, though my parents also told me that geese stole wallets from your pockets, so maybe I should be skeptical. I think a better question would be, "How did your calves get so unusually large?" Well folks, I've boiled that down to one part hyperactive child, one part active adult, two parts genetics. Though, I guess its good that nobody asks this question since everyone knows how sensitive calves are and you don't want them to believe large = fat.

The group of organic winegrowers I took a picture of yesterday had an entire conversation about them when I left, my host asked me the first day, I was even asked twice in Paris. Though my favorite time someone brought it up was after a random survey with in elderly man in the streets of Detroit.

Sorry, but you're not here to read about calves are you. you probably expected to hear about wine and grapes, and my adventures in France.

I've learned quite a lot about wine since I've been here, particularly the growing part. This experience will really force me to savor my next bottle of wine since I now know how many pain-staking hours goes into just a single glass. Its getting increasingly difficult to stay afloat as a small vineyard or an artisan business in general. But, you and me as consumers all enjoy artisan products more...don't we?? They're legitimate, made with fair ingredients, wonderful tasting, its an art we kind-of buy into. So what do you think we can do to support them? Send me your ideas, I'd be interested in hearing them.

For all of you who have never seen it before, here is a teaser of my calf ;)

1 comment:

  1. Lauren you crack me up! I love reading your blog! Yes, my calves came from being a dance major for a while in college and Dad's from football and cycling! I think it is on both sides of the family but keeping them sexy is the key and you have that down pat dearie! How is the wine at this Chateau?